First day of school almost began and ended with heavy drinking

For us, the school day began at 3:45 a.m. when my child decided that he was afraid of the dark. Now ordinarily, this would not be a problem. I absolutely love holding my 6-year-old son, who swears he’s a grown man, any time he gives me the chance. But this time, he didn’t quietly shake me awake while whimpering. He just stood behind me.

I thought I was being paranoid. Maybe our house was haunted by ghosts. And just when I started telling myself to calm the Hell down, he put his face on my arm, and started breathing hard. Needless to say, it scared the black, and what’s left of my Jewish heritage, off of me!

I was so ready to put him out of my house at that point! I almost peed myself!

So instead of putting my kid out of the house, I let him lay in bed with mom and dad, and gave him kisses. My hubby said that I was a great mom, and he went back to sleep. All was right with the world.

Until he woke up again.

So I put him out of our room, and contemplated opening a bottle of wine at 4 a.m.

But I stayed strong, and instead I cleaned out my freezer, and cooked a big breakfast for my kid. I wanted his first day of school to be so memorable.

By this time, he didn’t want to wake up. Of course! But I made him get up anyway.

So we get dressed, eat breakfast, and get to school. I walked my son into his first grade classroom and saw something horrible – My son, the talker, was in the classroom with his BFF, the other talker. And the teacher? She was new. This day was not going to end well.

We knew we were going to have to purchase her a gift card to BEVMO. The BFF’s mom, me, and my husband started making plans, because we knew that all of their talking TOGETHER was going to end with her needing a drink.

Turns out, the teacher was no spring chicken.

So I reassured her that if he needed a mid-day attitude adjustment, let me know. I was down to handle it.

Then my husband’s friend, who teaches in the classroom next door, offered to look out for him, and call my husband (a very mean daddy) if he sees my son messing up. Oh we’ve got some snitches! But my son was too pissed.

So while the day began poorly, it ended on a high note for mom and dad!


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