This is what “victim blaming” for domestic violence victims looks like

I’d be the first to tell you that the word “victim blaming” is sometimes misused. For those of you who are confused about what victim blaming is, I am about to show you what it looks like.

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Several days ago, blogger B. Scott released an interview with singer K. Michelle. During the sit down, K talked about the criticism she has received from black women on her relationship with British heartthrob Idris Elba, and her domestic abuse allegations. She said,

“I thought it was disgusting, the backlash that I got from Black women. My whole career, the women that I fight for have been the women that attack me. And, it’s crazy — because when I told about my abuse, Black women attacked me. And they said I was a liar. And then when the reports came out, [they’d say] ’oh, I always believed you!’ That doesn’t heal that scar that you called me a liar for two years and I’m trying to be a role model.”

Turning the subject back to Idris and their 8-month relationship, she added:


“We parted on mutual terms, so I never bashed him and I never will. When I sang about what it was — it was Black women. They were [tweeting] him, and were like ‘Ew, she’s not good enough for you.’ It was bad, they’d [say things] like ‘Ew, he would never,’ or ‘Ew, why are you dating someone like that?’”

After her commentary, a writer at Clutch Magazine had this response to what K. Michelle said in the video,

While K’s definitely not lying about the things women were saying, somewhere in her heart of hearts she must understand the confusion came from the fact that all we’ve seen of her is foul-mouthed discourse and physical altercations. And that’s when she’s not showing off her assets all over the ‘gram. The nasty remarks may not have been warranted and we’ve all needed to take Idris off of the God pedestal we placed him on a long time ago, but this whole innocent-victim-Black-woman-martyr thing K. Michelle is going for is no bueno.

What the writer had to say in response to K. Michelle’s interview ran me hot. But for me, this sentence was the nail in the coffin.

“…somewhere in her heart of hearts she must understand the confusion came from the fact that all we’ve seen of her is foul-mouthed discourse and physical altercations. And that’s when she’s not showing off her assets all over the ‘gram.”

This sentence alone holds a lot of weight, and it is what it is – victim blaming.

Who hasn’t seen K. Michelle acting a fool while she was a co-star on the hit VH-1 reality show, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta? It’s true that she was very turned up.

But that doesn’t mean that people should be confused about the criticism she’s received, and the criticism was harsh, especially when it came to her speaking on her experiences with domestic abuse. I know that a lot of people tend to forget to watch their digital footprint, so let me remind you all of what was said when she spoke up about her experiences with domestic abuse:

These tweets alone are a testament to why so many abuse victims don’t come forward and speak out. I guess the writer of the aforementioned article forgot that there are plenty of abuse victims stunting for Instagram, and acting a stone cold fool in public. That doesn’t mean that their allegations of abuse are false.

Abuse is abuse. I’m going to say it again in case you missed it: ABUSE IS ABUSE. Saying that K. Michelle should be a lady on television and online does not mean that her allegations of abuse doesn’t hold any merit.

I doubt that K. Michelle is the only personality on the Love and Hip Hop franchise to have battled domestic abuse.  Although it’s not right, I could understand why they feel like they should suffer silently – they fear the backlash they may receive. Look at how the public treated K. Michelle when she finally spoke out.

In my opinion, this piece by the writer at Clutch was very irresponsible. I understand that the opinions are the writer’s own, but it’s definitely not in line with previous Clutch articles, from my point of view. I’ve been a long-time visitor of the site, and I’ve seen pieces by them that is fully against domestic abuse. Why should K. Michelle’s abuse allegations be any different?

In light of the content that I am writing, please do not accept domestic abuse if you are in that kind of relationship. I don’t care who or what you are involved with, never let your spouse think it’s okay to pound on you. If you, or someone you know, is involved in a domestic violence relationship, get help! Visit the National Domestic Abuse hotline right away, or call 1-800-799-7233. #WeSupportYou


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