The first time I realized that I had a strong man happened while I was still dating my husband. While we were out to dinner with my family, he kept getting flirtatious looks from other women. My aunt included.
While those women were being overtly flirtatious, my husband would hold my hand, and talk about how lucky he was to have me as his queen. He opened doors for me, he never allowed another woman to ride in the front seat of our rented vehicle, including my mom, and he graciously paid for everything.
He still has all of these qualities, and I absolutely love that about him. What’s even better is that since we’ve been married and had a child, my husband has become a stronger man. He works countless hours a week just to make sure we have everything we need, and he stands firm in his principles.
I’m a lucky woman to have a man like that, and I wish that everyone woman in the world gains a love like mine. Or better. Everyone deserves a lover who stands tall like a king or queen, and treats them like they’re more precious than gold.
But what happens when you discover that your partner is pretending to be a king or queen, when really they’re just children wearing a crown? I’m not sure what exactly a person would do in this situation, except leave the relationship. But it’s what Halle Berry said she did after realizing that her ex-husbands were boys and not men.
Its generally well known that the Academy Award winning actress can never seem to stay married. After three failed marriages, the Hollywood megastar thought that something was wrong with her as a result of her unlucky relationships. I guess after some self reflection, she realized that she was worth more than staying in relationships with men who were acting like children.
Last week, Halle touched on this subject when she stopped by the Dondre Whitfield’s Student African-American Brotherhood conference, where she talked a little about why she thought her marriages failed. The Grio reported,
“I was feeling really down because I filed my third divorce. I thought, ‘I can’t get it right.’ I was feeling heavy-hearted, embarrassed and ashamed. I thought, ‘Surely it’s my fault. I need help. This is not where I want to be. I should be somebody’s wife. I wanted to be a wife and mother. How I became an actress, I don’t even know.’ But I was three times divorced with two baby daddies and I don’t even know how this happened.”
I love how she addressed that she thought something was wrong with her because her marriages failed. Society has a way of making a woman feel bad about herself for not being able to keep a man, especially if she looks like a bombshell. Women are generally expected to be able to look, act, and think like a boss. So if we’re expected to have all of these qualities, why can’t we choose a mate who brings those same qualities to the table as well?
When a relationship fails, most women tend to ask themselves, “What’s wrong with me?” I know I’ve asked myself that question plenty of times when I thought my relationship was over. But what I’ve discovered is that sometimes, I’m not the problem. It takes two people to engage in a marriage, and Halle’s ex’s deserve some of the blame for their failed relationships too.
And maybe there is some truth to Halle’s statement about dating boys and not men. Like that time her ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey got his butt kicked when he tried to engage in a fight with her ex-husband, Olivier Martinez, who is a trained boxer. Bless his heart.
Or when Eric Benet admitted to cheating on one of the world’s most beautiful people, and blamed it on a sex addiction.
Or the fact that David Justice was a target of groupies, and for all we know, he probably slept with some of them too.
Halle is not totally to blame for her failed relationships, and she has a point – you don’t have to stay in a relationship with a person who has trouble taking on the responsibilities of being a king or queen. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you think that you’re worth more than staying in a relationship with a partner who isn’t mature enough to handle the responsibilities that comes with it.
Unfortunately, people would still see Halle as the common denominator in her failed relationships, instead of her being a woman who spotted a boy wearing a crown he wasn’t yet ready to put on his head.