It’s Hilarious To Hear Childless People Insist On Homeschooling Their Future Kids

With so much violence happening in public schools – like school resources officers body slamming sixth graders to the ground – I’m no longer surprised when I hear my friends engage in discussions about homeschooling their kids. If anything, I applaud any parent who could do it.

But when I hear people without kids jump into the same conversation to add (sometimes in unison) that when they have kids they’re going to homeschool them forever, I can’t help but to laugh. Hard.

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I understand why a childless person would feel compelled to entertain the idea. But please stop telling the “I’m going to homeschool my kids forever” lie, especially if you’re one of those people who runs low on patience all the time.

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There’s a reason why you see parents doing the cabbage patch at school bus stops when the school year begins. Those are the same parents who probably told that homeschool lie when they were childless too.

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Let me break it down to you like this: Homeschooling your kids will completely drain your “patience account.” On top of never using the bathroom alone, you now have to listen to them whine about not being able to watch tv during school time. Then you’ll find yourself marveling at their ability to remix a meltdown that centers around not being able to spell the word “sea” as it appears in the alphabet. And that’s just a taste of the annoyances you’d endure while homeschooling your kid.

Don’t get me wrong, some parents can handle homeschooling their kids like a boss. But if you’re the type of person who celebrates a little to hard when you send your nieces or nephews home after babysitting them for the weekend, or you need to pour liquor in your cup in order to answer that super tough life question your baby cousin probably shouldn’t be asking you to begin with, then don’t consider homeschooling your future kids. It’s just going to rock your nerves.

In fact, when you do have kids, it would be best if you pulled your kid’s teacher to the side, and gave him or her a gift certificate to WineOfTheMonthClub.com. I try to do it every school year, because I already know that my child is the source of my own hair loss and anxiety at home, and he’s basically doing the same thing to his teacher at school.

So the next time you see a news report about a teacher slapping a student, or school resources officers fist fighting with students, I want all of the childless people to think really long and hard before engaging in that “homeschooling my future kids” yak. Real talk, sending your kids to school may be your best alternative to not encouraging your own drinking problem.

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